Based on national sales averages here are the TOP 10 PROFORM GIFT IDEAS for the muscle car lover in your home!

Dear Santa,

First off, I must again thank you for last year's gift.  The '71 Chevelle project is coming along nicely.  We dropped a 350 small-block in back in August (one helluva a hot day, and my buddy Chuck thanks you for the cherry picker).  We bolted her up and promptly took her up and down Woodward Avenue (a local hot spot for cars).  The Chevelle still needs some paint work (well, okay...a lot of paint work) and a new set of rims, and we did overheat a couple of times down in Ferndale.  So I guess this brings me to my letter to you.

We started off the day topping off the fluids in the garage.  My wife was quick to complain of the mess I left behind.  Turns out the neighbor's dog frequents our garage and for whatever reason, seems to lick that stuff off the garage floor (I gather they're now looking for a new puppy, so maybe you can help them out?).  In any event, for Christmas this year I'd like one of those trick No-Mess funnels so I can stop poisoning the neighborhood dogs, and while you're at it, drop a Socket Assist set in my stocking too to help me out with those darn spark plugs.  Better add one of those self-powered timing lights that doubles as a flashlight, too.  

The car ran well throughout the morning but began to overheat just after lunch.  Not that I don't mind the car overheating in front of the Post Bar, giving me a chance to down a requisite ice-cold PBR, it's the darn parking on Woodward and the subsequent parking ticket, or maybe tickets, I have hiding in my sock drawer (can you help out with these?).  So, one of those Bowtie electric water pumps and a 15-inch thermostat electric fan would keep me cruizin without any unplanned stops and would free up some horsepower for those punks in Toyotas up in the hills.

Speaking of horsepower, I'd like to upgrade my valve train with a set of precision machined extruded aluminum roller rocker arms.  And as long as we're doing horsepower upgrades, let's add a Chevy HEI electronic racing distributor, a high-torque starter, and one of those purple racing carbs.  My wife doesn't much care for purple (she's from Pittsburgh, as you know), but she's got her minivan with 22"s, so let's go for it!  750 CFM, by the way.

To wrap things up, on that same hot day we finished up with ice cream at the Cold Stone Creamery (I recommend the Founder's Favorite.  Not sure what's in it, but it's unbelievable).  Anyway, an old fella with a '69 Camaro pulls up next to us and before long, we had the hoods up, talking cars.  Now, his engine really gleams with all the chrome, whereas mine still has those stock black valve covers.  So, how about a new complete Bowtie Emblem engine dress-up kit?  Since this is a long list, how about we go with the Street Performance Chrome Kit, it's a complete set and it's affordable.

So, I'll send along some pics as soon as I figure out what a USB port is (must be one of those drive-through photomats.  Heck, haven't seen one of those in years).  And don't forget, we're trying to get the grass to take out front, so if you don't mind, park out back and try to watch out for those power lines.

Best regards,

John Coldwater